Joke Time

Okay, joke time. Tell us some of your coolest jokes. But remember this is a family forum :wink:

I like this one, and advance apologies to all the blondes ........

Two sisters inherit the family farm. One blonde, the other brunette Looking around, the realize the bull is too old and they need a new one.

They only have exactly $600 to spend, so the brunette goes into the sale yards, looking for a bull. She tells the blonde sister that she will send her a telegram if she needs her to bring in the stock trailer to collect the new bull.

The brunette finds a good quality bull, after much looking, but it costs $599 and she only has one dollar left to send a telegram.

After explaining her predicament, the guy at the telegraph office is very sympathetic, but he says it costs a dollar a word, and she can only afford to send one word.

After much thinking, the brunette says to the telegraph guy, "Okay, I want you to send one word ................"COMFORTABLE"

"Well okay," says the guy "but how is your sister gonna know she needs to bring in the stock trailer to bring the bull home?"

"Well," says the brunette "you have to remember that my sister is blonde, and it's a big word, so she'll have to sound it out ............... COM -FOR-TA-BULL"

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.
He is obviously drunk.

So the bartender says to another man in the bar:
"Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times.

They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man.

He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

The drunk's wife greets them at the door:
"Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?" :lol:

i wish i had a few jokes, come on people, this section is basically dead!!

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a
deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up
and sees that she is no longer pregnant; frantically, she asks the
doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins!..... A
boy and a girl. The babies are fine now however they were poorly at
birth and had to be christened immediately - your brother came in and
named them.
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh suffering Jesus no, not me brother...he's a fock*ng, clueless, gobsh*te!" Expecting the worst, she
asks the doctor, "Well, what's my daughter's name?"
"Denise," says the doctor. The new mother is somewhat relieved "Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother....I like Denise."
Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?
" Denephew".

not bad mike! mum thought it was good :lol:

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I
haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword
fight

My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over.
I looked up and one of them pooed in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird poo."

"It was my first day with the hook."

where u get these from?

got anymore?

Ive got heaps but Im at work so shouldnt really be posting too many... :D

dad says your sick an we dont love you.

an you should do work!

anyway post up some more an ill tlk to u tomorrow