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  1. #11
    Eternal Moderator Merrilyn's Avatar
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    Only great minds can read this

    This is weird, but interesting!
    fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too




    Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

    i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
    Thirty-five years keeping and breeding discus, and I'm still learning :P

    Merrilyn has passed, but will not be forgotten - Goodbye dear friend

  2. #12
    Tiny Fry
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    The cat and dog joke made me laugh realy loud at work. Customers gave me wierd looks. My girlfriend saw it and posted it on facebook straight away. Good one .

  3. #13
    Just an Egg
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    After realising I would be banned for just about every joke I know, I remembered that I had seen this


  4. #14
    Blue Diamond Discus BigDaddyAdo's Avatar
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    I was also going to post a joke or two but i have so far been unable to think of one that isnt rude.
    I don't get drunk I get AWESOME!!!

  5. #15
    Eternal Moderator Merrilyn's Avatar
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    I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.
    Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mum came home.
    My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mum waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.
    Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
    Thirty-five years keeping and breeding discus, and I'm still learning :P

    Merrilyn has passed, but will not be forgotten - Goodbye dear friend

  6. #16
    Eternal Moderator Merrilyn's Avatar
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    A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough!"

    "'Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

    "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her!"

    Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced!" she shouts, "I'll take care of this!"

    She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father. "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

    The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."
    Thirty-five years keeping and breeding discus, and I'm still learning :P

    Merrilyn has passed, but will not be forgotten - Goodbye dear friend

  7. #17
    Moderator nicholas76's Avatar
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    LOl nice one red! lol

  8. #18
    Just an Egg
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    I hope I'm that together when I'm older!

  9. #19
    Eternal Moderator Merrilyn's Avatar
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    After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
    The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
    The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem."
    "Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
    So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can.
    He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

    This procedure also works in New Zealand and Tasmania.
    Thirty-five years keeping and breeding discus, and I'm still learning :P

    Merrilyn has passed, but will not be forgotten - Goodbye dear friend

  10. #20
    Eternal Moderator Merrilyn's Avatar
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    The Atheist and the Shark

    There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.
    As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
    In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
    Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
    The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
    As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
    Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
    Thirty-five years keeping and breeding discus, and I'm still learning :P

    Merrilyn has passed, but will not be forgotten - Goodbye dear friend

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