first funny of 2007

[Merrilyn]

Funny, I thought that's what all those words really meant

[DiscusWidow]

If you are gonna help out the ladies, post a proper picture honey... mwah!!!

[DiscusWidow]

Jack walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this
blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news
crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing
to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know, I bet he will."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Jack placed $50 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off
of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed
her $50 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock
news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.....

[DiscusWidow]

Now that got rid of the men, here is a joke for the ladies.... Have a great week!!!

ladies
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest
woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good
idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The
wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh..
immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.< /B>

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman
to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

[DiscusEden]

Good one!
ironing board... sofa.... he he

[Robdog]

Pffttt Feminism is sooooo 1993

[the german]

the_germans wife

11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE (DOPES on a ROPE?)

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men
and
one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so
they
decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all
going
to fall. They weren't able to designate a person, until the
woman
gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily
let
go of the rope, because as a woman, she was used to giving up
everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and
she
was used to always making sacrifices, with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started
clapping.

[the german]

the_germans wife

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Yorkshireman in
an
overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing
their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman
bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she
told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian
responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and
told me she could never love another man."

When the Yorkshireman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly
asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last
night?"

"Once," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she
say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."

[the german]

the_germans wife

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is
reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is
already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says: "Well
you know we just ate breakfast?"

Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the
good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we
go to the toilet, and that is poo."


The little girl looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for
a
few seconds and asks.......

"......and Tigger?"

[the german]

the_germans wife






-------Original Message-------

From: Thomas Hasler
Date: 01/31/07 17:25:12
To: Julie Rogers;
Subject: Fwd: FW: How To Stay Married







HOW TO STAY MARRIED!
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept
no
secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a
shoe
box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband
never to
open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but
one
day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she
would
not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down
the
shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the
box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of
money
totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she
said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was
to
never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I
should
just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only
two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him
two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst
with
happiness.

"But what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."