first funny of 2007

[DiscusWidow]

[taksan]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left

"Ernie, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen.

She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask

of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and

Then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.

She shot fifteen of them with the gun unt IL she ran out of bullets,

Killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke,

And then she killed the last Iraqi WI th her bare hands."

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher.

"What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the f--- away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking.

[taksan]

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working
Under your vehicle.

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a
Crestview couple that drove their car to Walmart, only to have
Their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife
To carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the
Car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding
From under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack
Of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
Quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back
Into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
Herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead

[taksan]

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American
Tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was
Describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine
To track man or beast over land, through the air or
Beneath the sea. The Americans were incredulous.



Then later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the
Highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road,
An Aborigine. He had one ear pressed to the white line
Whilst his left leg was held high in the air.



The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered
Around the prostrate Aborigine.



"Jacky," said the tour guide, "what are you tracking and
What are you listening for?"



The aborigine replied, "Down the road about 25 kilometers
Is a 1971 Valiant Ute. It's red. The left front tire is bald.
The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel.
There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry.
There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat."



The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise
And detailed knowledge.



"Wow, man! How do you know all that?" asked one American.



The Aborigine replied, "I fell out of the damn thing about
Half an hour ago!"

[taksan]

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest.



The first has no arms. The second no legs and
The third has no body, just a head.



They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash"
They're all in the pool.



The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly
But the guy with no legs is closing fast.



The head of course sank straight to the bottom.



Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes
First. He can still seebubbles coming from the bottom
Of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to
Rescue him.



He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface
And places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon
The head starts coughing and spluttering.



Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts:
"Three years I've spent learning to swim with my f##king ears,
Then two minutes before the whistle, some a$$hole puts a
Swimming cap on me!"

[scott bowler]

i always like to help the ladys with any probs they may have

[scott bowler]

heres a pic that was taken guess its true about the boys in blue

[scott bowler]

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

[scott bowler]

computer buffs like ro

[scott bowler]

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